each time..

when i felt it strongly..

i came here to blog about it.



its so strong....

its just so life sucking...

energy draining..

watever shit it is....




why do i have to worry for her?

why do i have to reminisce?

why do i always think that i have the chance to get her back?

why do i always feel tat stubborn confidence in me that she will be back?

why do i still keep her sms?

well that all i have. 5 smses. 1 note which is like 3 years back. memories...fading memories.


it isn't a solution to leave it aside and left untouch..

jus becos i don't wanna let it seems like i am running away from it.

but in the end.

it jus ran haywired.



I just wanna dance happily with my friend.

work happily with my friends.

and stay as family towards my mom and dad.




I am just lacking of you in my life.

i dont fucking care you are fat...

i dont care how high is your expectation on mi.




i gonna work hard.

i gonna be better than a guy.

I gonna be someone powerful.



what i get is what she gets.



to My God.

Please let this stop.

Let her have a peaceful life with him from now on.

Its nt from my heart...but....this is what it shld be!



please let her be happy....

dont let her be unhappy again.
jus for this selfish reason...
i dont wanna be pulled back into loving her again.

still loving

had been stressful...

tire....

down....

worry....


at the end of each day.


i wish you could gif mi a hug so i could carry on.












i have change..

to someone i m nt sure of...

but.

i still in love with you..


i always tot tat i am stubborn.

but.


i ain't...


cos i noe...

i still loving you...


as much.....


i really miss u...


i kept looking and looking at your nick...


why..................




cos...



i don't noe hw u have been doin since...

urge to tok to you...


tempted to kiss and hug you.....


reminiscing the past....


tats all i doin rite now?




i..














really....











love......











you........

i saw The "L" word.

and I miss you again.




Why now?



why wouldn't the past let go of me?





why am i still caring for you?




in the 1st place..
i don't even know how to care for you...
cause i even wher are you


wat you are up to

how are you doin?



ahh............


fucking headaches....


its killing me..

Wherr are you?

I can't see...

i can't touch..

i can't hear...

i can't feel....


all senses activated. but not a single signal came back.


cause there is a thick wall of bricks in between us now






back then...

its just a thin pieces of glass..

where i could still see you.




but now..




i can't do anything anymore.

yet.











I still love you.

I didn't talk to you on msn anymore..


coz.....
















i think the one beside you is childish.

maybe i shouldn;t know that much

words of mouth...


i know things hasn't been good.




don't make me steal her just to make you treasure her more

how do i feel now?

so empty...

the traffic light here is always red.
nth is moving.

everyday.
i remind myself to be stronger.
to improve myself.

my personality....

my dance...

and my boring outer shell.



in the end.

the freaking reason is "because of you"



I miss everything about you.

my heart had already settled for you but why did you leave again.

i do crashed but then no one can be compare to you.



How much i hated ur attitude....

how much both you and i hurt each other...

we slapped each other...

we throw punches at each other...

we leave scratches on each other...


but why do i still love you so much?


but then...

the thoughts of your boy always motivate me to work harder..

to become a better person....

forcing myself to face watever shit tat is infront of me.

just becos i wanna make myself grow.



am...

i...

goin the rite way?



do i need to prove someone tat i can be better then a man cause of the past?

or i just have to become one of ur hi bye friends?

will you do anything for mi anymore?

will you buy my story if i tell you tat the past really a misunderstanding?

will you believe me if i tell you i have grown?




at this moment of time, i m really fuck up!
i lost someone.



but no matter where you are. i will be behind you to cushion ur fall.

rite now. i will jus leave you alone. =)

take care.

Changes

things are getting better...

meaning...it will be more stressful....


- v1da has more jobs

- i get to cheoro my showcase with min min

- my religion HipHop club invite mi to join them

- get to dance girly stuff. Well need to be open minded rite?

- closer to friends now. I love them!

- i slim dwn and yet to have abs. Since when am i so pretty conscious?

- spend more time with my family

- more confidence now



things that didn't change


- I am still caring for her, like a tiny guardian angel that hides in any corner and peep at her. Why am i doing this to myself?

- I still think of you. I hadn't love you enough yet.

- I still did not have the motivation to wake up early to run.

- I still can't survive without long slps!

- I still look at non ah lian pretty girls. =)

- I still like to zi high freestyling in the toilet. Sing like nobody business in the bathroom.




on the journey home...

i thought to myself...

what if one day i wanna win you back and make you fall for mi again....will it happen?

a voice answered it...

"yes!....you can win her back...you can make her fall for you again."

Don't ask mi why is there a sudden burst of confidence.

I don't know where it came from.


I ain't asking you back.

Not anymore.

I won't beg, I won't force, I won't ask, I won't say.

I just wanna reach out for you.

Standing there...

days after days, years after years.

till you are ready to grab my hand.



I am wrong again.

Thought things would be better after i stop having any contact with you.

but, I care for you more.

I am always looking at the wide opened door. Hoping you might appear standing there,


smiling at me
crying for me
rush in to hug me

saying you miss me
saying you need me
saying you feel comfortable hugging me


hmmm....


jus....forget about it ya?








why am i still loving you so much?

my feelings are at war noe

she is hurt again...


but what can i do?

if i tok to her....
will she think i concern too much...
will it irritates her....

m i such a hamster?
i really haf no courage to "sayang" her anymore...


what if i nv do anything...

i feel so sad.....
feel so inferior that i cant reach out to her like how i use to...
it feel so near...yet so far...
its like ther is a piece of glass in between us...


i guess she still pissed abt what i sms her ba...
hmmm........
i freaking hate saying all this.....
but then...
i need to try to agitate her.....
its didnt haf any effect...
more likely....it affected our friendship.

i guess its all about respect...

how do i earn hers?
have been thinking this for so long....

since after the 1st break up...
nth came to my mind...
nth....

what my instinct says...

hhmmm..i cant feel it...

not as strong any more...

but from her blog entry...
yup....guess this will be her last BF...
i jus could feel it coming..


like ther is someon asking mi to calm dwn...
dun worry about her anymore...
cos ther is someone ther for her....
someone that can change her...
someone she love deeply....

hope she will be happily ever after...



yeah...for mi...
i make sure i dun lead my partner's life...
if u nv grow....u will nv maintain the relationship...

love will jus fade......

dance like a girl....i m nt saying dress like one....
liek what my instructor say...
if u are a girl...u cant dance liek one...equal to failure.


work...
wish that Steffeni's hd is ok...
i relaly wanna bring up v1da ..

but i feel...
nth i feel...nth is goin well...

EGOOOOO~~~~

Maybe i think too much...

sumthing wronge with mi?

why do i keep imagining myself as a guy taking care of a family...

while i shld be imagining myself as a lady finding the perfect guy and get married?



crazy girl...


guess i haf even greater egos than her....

i really dun like the idea of a guy taking care of mi...

i feel uncomfortable...really



21 le...

i haf no time to wait....

i haf a lot of things to do...

no timeee......


but ya...no relationship liao....


no moreeee.....i wanna dance....


i wanna work....


i wanna be more involve in my religious....







no more emtpy promises...


another questions...


if she comes back.....
will i be able to accept her as friend again?
will i wanna help her if she is in difficulties?
will i wan to tok to her if she has probs?


the ans is.....




yes...i will...cos i still hope to care for her..


dun ask mi why...

everytime i do sumthing tat involve her...

dun ask mi y...

ther isnt a reason i can state...

jus.....

don't ask mi k?

thoughts

being in a crew.


you just know freaking lots of things.

really lots of things.

hahahah!!!



but...ya...gonna start a book on...


"my thoughts"...



or rather i shld name it...


"All about Me"


so much things to realise in life...

So if dunno the road....confirm will die..


cos ur life....no ne can guide u....

maybe by reading books?


let's say....philosophy of life...

chim...


but....will make u think..



differnet pple jus haf diff ways to fins out wat they wan.


rite nw...

i jus wanna fulfill some of the small goals i haf made...


and time to think again....














Don't compare myself to others.

i will feel stresss.....

if u are the cannot lose type..
also die..
cos...u will wanna get straight to the point,
where you don;t even noe the basic,
you dont even noe wat u are dealing wif.
most are just rushy?....


if u are those simply cannot take bad comments...
i guess u will just run away..
and always telling urself....you cant do it.
will get more and more nt confident.


Compare you to the past you...

you will feel encourage and motivated tat u haf grown so much and learn so much.

loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

i feel happy...


i dunno why....


cause maybe i pray for half an hour?

say that i m so religious..


but...really makes mi feel secure



makes mi feel enlighten?


makes mi feel light....



jus....make mi feel so happy....





i jus love today.......

Simplest Post to express myself

i miss you...cos i still have feelings for you


i m happy...cos you are happy

Well

seldom tok now...

i really miss her....

as a friend...or a lover?
i dunno...

i just miss toking to her now...

no matter hw much i i dislike her attitude

i m still much in love wif her...dun ask mi why...i really dunno....

i guess i fall....i fall for the poetic part of her
she is good...

i guess she will be somebody one day....


well...she say i m nobody to her...

i guess....

ya..




who m i to her?.....jus a normal friend tat she will forget easily....


sad to hear it though....

but...
think back....
even a lover....
i treat her freaking bad....


she really need someone tat she can commit....really totally commit to him...


she will be happy.....she will be a best gf...best wife in the world..


seriously....

she is....


when we 1st started out...

i feel the love...the care....the xin fu feeling...

like i haf someone hu really care for mi...

like i haf a wife...


haha.....well..pple...... luff at mi..but...it the truth...



thigns gone wrong...when she suddenly dun wan this and tat...


and u noe u will lose her soon...temper gets freaking bad....pissed off easily...

trying to get back wat i wan...i shldnt do tat...


i shld haf plan thing...to surprise her...


argh...well..u will think better when u are out of the box...out of tat situation...


i shld haf cont dancing....she will be proud...



instinct again i guess...



well..ya....lost...

haha



nth cant describe or measure the love i haf for her...
nt ttat i m boasting...


this is hw much i love her.....



be it after a few years...

i will still be ther for her....
i dunno why...dun ask mi why...

its my heart...

i cant stop it.....

it get really tire if my brain keeps fighting....



maybe...this is mi....

i m really leaving this stuff aside...



u noe....i need to improve myself....

destination are planned...


nw....i m on my way ther....








aii....


i m not ready to face her yet...

i m still in love wif her?

yes my dear....

i still in love with you...

all i hope was....









u to come back to dance again...

rmb....


as long as i m still alive....i wun forget you...

i will still be loving u so much...

fat...old...thin....slim...pretty..ugly...

i will still be here



i guess..i surender to my heart...cos...



i miss you......





may u protect her from everything....

anything thing tat gonna harm her.....

she is a good lady....

its jus tat her lover isnt good enuff for her.....

her lover is the bad ones....






*looking the my scar*

i miss u....dear?

its really affecting mi....freaking misunderstanding.

all i could say was..


i really didnt stalk you....

i really didnt go around telling pple about us...



tat time....i was recuperating...
i nv stalk..

being a friend...
i jus ask the pple tat is near u to take care of you...but of cos...i dun go around doin tat too..jus happen when i tok to them....they tell mi "oh jess will be ther" kind of thing....then i jus say..ok...help mi take care of her....Anything happen to her..jus call mi ba"

i nv ask them to report to mi wher you are....



and...i really haf no idea wher you are....unless its a wed or a fri nite...


u were clubbing?


all jus rough guesses...




pple tat noes....some jus ask mi hw is mi and u...


cos recently we did qurrell...and u cried in Studio...

wasnt in a good shape too....

and...

i came back to dance...


they were shock...

and they ask if mi and u are ok...

i jsu say broke up....

some of them onli noe tat u wanna go back to church..

no more le....


the onli pple i tok to was yen min orange....

they are the ones tat noe wats going on clearly....




the rest..jus noe...we broke up...



and..really...broke up broke up...nth to shame abt....


no one will think bad abt you de....

ur friends will still be ther for you...


we broke up so wat....i have no reason to do tat....

so i can get back at you?....so everyone will hate you?...

think of it.....if i do tat....everyone hates you....and you cfm hates mi...why shdl i do tat?

but i guess....well u assuem i did all this....and....ya...nw...you hate mi nw..





all i jus wanna say......


i really really didnt stalk you.....and nv ask pple to stalk you.....and nv go around telling pple tat mi and u broke up..and for watever reason.....



i stand on my own feet......

i nv go around staggering liek a injure dog...and beg pple for foood.....or beg pple to show care and concern.....or wan pple tp show sympathy....


i guess....u really misunderstand mi this time..



most of the time...i chance upon you nick...

being so upset...emo...

i noe u are way better now then you are wif mi....
jus tat....i jus wanna care for you as a friend...

wanna be ther jus in case.....


maybe i will jus walk away since u do not need this friend le...
...


as much as i wanna stay ther....and care for you....keep a distance but still look out for you

as much as i really wanna be ther....jus for anything....


but i guess... if i do tat.....you would get more irritated ?.
....you would hate mi more..
adn you will assuem i stalk you again...
rite?



well....your words hurt mi.......

everyday....

i jus haf to put on a mask....to face my friends....

to act as happy as i m.....show tat i aint feelign anything no more...

to show tat i m moving on

i nv tok to them about you....

cos i noe.....if i m them...i will get irritated le...


in frotn of min min, yen yen, von....my batch pple...

fake mi...i hate myself for this.



i m liek spilted into half...

part of mi wanna stay....but dun wan you to come back....


part of mi jus wanna move on....but we remain friend liek von and yen..

but ya....friendship...cant be force....

i haf the rite to choose my friend...
but you haf the rite to reject..


and....

i nv even dare to think i haf a huge impact on u....

i guess to you...i m nth....well you say it.....

to mi....
ya...i really gt no impact on you...

really....

i didnt think highly of myself..

you noe hw low is my self esteem

you noe hw i see myself as....

i m freaking nt confident and becos of tat i feel freakinf stress when we are tgt...

the amt of stress.....jus build up as days goes by.....no money...no money...no money....

the stress jus bounce back...and every day i jus get frustrated and worse....

i guess tats y...i throw all my freaking tantrum on you...

for this...i m sorry.....did think back....and i feel disgusted on hw i m treating u...

no wonder....you wanna leave mi....

no wonder you dun feel the love anymore...

i guess....i m a bad lover...


m tire.....


i haf hurt you wif my words too...

cos...

at tat time....
it really pissed mi off...


cant you see....


you are liek a flame....

dancing in a cold winter nite....

pple tat are near you.....
they get the warmth....
they are happy...and they appreciate it...

some do show a smile on their face....some jus haf no expression....but inside them...they feel the warmth...they thank you......


but once they get freakign close to u...
they get hurt burnt.


they hate you....

they ran away....before their clothes catches fire and they get scalded more...


well....maybe this is hw i think of you?...



you are great....really....you haf a good heaart....

since the 1st day i noe u....

i always tot omg..u are really a frog from a well...
dont even go for brand...
btu i m happy u see....cos i noe...you are easily satisfied....

but i guess i spoilt u...i guess marcus did spoilt you too...

yup....pple will change...i noe you will change...

but sorry to say...

pple always change to become someone better..


haiz...i hate myself...i hate nite....

i jus hate being alone in a quiet nite....

cos....

i m still thinking abt you...



was looking forward for the rite chance to tok to you....
rite nw....no matter hw much i explain...

you still picture mi as JOyve tat purposely do a lot of to you jus becos to get back at you or wat ba..


i nv been so close to someone....really...thanx for the time...

you make mi realise...the happiness of being in love...and giving love....having someone tat care for ......and being cared by someone......

i m not smeone hu show hw i feels....but i really grateful.....thanx for everything.....










Have i really lost you as a friend?

jus becos of this misunderstanding?

i dunno....

all i know...i treasure you a lot...

CBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCB!!

i don't know why i feel so pissed....


seriously...

if you dun trust mi....

really....friendship really no use...


how could i stalk her if i block her on msn.....

i shld say...

i block her on msn....what make her think tat i even stalk her...



argh!!!....

wat the fuck!....




its before tat i already plan my life....

each and everysteps...

i freakinf dun haf the time to stalk her..



i did tok to xiang tian....

ask him to take care of her nia....


arghhhh...


even if pple noe...

i doubt they know everything...

they onli know tat we broke off...

its so obvious...
we are nt seen tgt....
even if we are tgt.....we dun tok.....
and the most obvious reason of all...

i came back to dance...


pple confirm say i say...cos really i say...

but do you realise...if they ask mi or i tell them 1st?


NO!....


they ask mi.....wat happen....all i told them tat u wanna go back to church...

tats all...


wat the hell is all this?




and i did state it fair...by saying i nt good enuff...

saying tat cos we always fight..becos i always pissed off.....

cos i always feel insecure....



i didnt even say anything bad...



arghh....


why mus this friendship end this way?...

not like i did it...

its all freakinf misunderstanding...



and you didnt allow mi to explain....

wat is all this fuck shits thing




i jus hope we are still friends....but i guess...all this freakign misunderstanding..
really destroy it all....


i cant change ur tots......

all i cant do was to change myself and show tat i m really nt liek tat...

i dun freaking harm someone tat i love lahh...

its really a stupid foolish to do that...


why cant she understanddddd!!!!!

Fallin Out

Been sittin' thinkin' bout you and I
And wonderin why we're not getting along
So frustrated cause, what we had was a happy home.
I don't know what the situation is
But I can tell in the way we kiss
We don't talk no more it feels better when I'm alone


Sometimes I feel like there's no getting through to you
Like you don't appreciate all that I do.
You gotta show me that you want me to stay don't turn & walk away


Baby I'm slowly fallin' out... of love with you
I don't know what to do, how did we end up here this way what are we gonna do? I'm slowly
Fallin' out... baby we're trippin' on silly things
Boy I need you to meet me halfway, if you want me to be with you...


I remember when, I'd be with my friends
You checked on me and made time to call
But how things have changed, now I don't hear from you at all.
Yeahh yeah yeah


Sometimes I feel like there's no getting through to you
Like you don't appreciate all that I do.
You gotta show me that you want me to stay don't turn & walk away

Baby I'm slowly fallin' out... of love with you
I don't know what to do, how did we end up here this way what are we gonna do? I'm slowly
Fallin' out... baby we're trippin' on silly things
Boy I need you to meet me halfway, if you want me to be with you...


Don't let your pride get in
The way, for something we worked so
Hard just don't throw it away
I been tryin make you see that everything
You need is right here with me


Sometimes I feel like there's no getting through to you
Like you don't appreciate all that I do.
You gotta show me that you want me to stay don't turn & walk away don't turn and walk away...

Baby I'm slowly fallin' out... of love with you
I don't know what to do, how did we end up here this way what are we gonna do? I'm slowly
Fallin' out... baby we're trippin' on silly things
Boy I need you to meet me halfway, if you want me to be with you...

Slowly fallin'
Slowly fallin'

How did we end up here this way?
Ooooo

Slowly fallin'
Slowly fallin'

How did we end up here this way?
Oooooo

i prayyyyy....

i m tire....

but why do i still stay up all nite?......

beats mi....


i jus noe...

i wanna be somebody in life...


i rmb my goals....


and u...my dear....



take care.....


i dunno wat u are doin....

tats y...every nite...

i pray for u....
hopping you are safe...





HK is having flood...

i gt worried...

but dun worry...

you will be fine....

cos i m here.....

praying for you.......



take care...

I don't haf the right to say..

I love you.....

real mi

hmm...yeah...


real mi....


how i know?....


well..


cos...

i wanna danceee.....

i wanna go into main crew......

i wanna cheorograph an item in Danzation......

i wanna try girl style in Danzation....


i wanna sing.........



i wanna bring v1da into next level...




i wanna be active in my religion....

to learn about my life....


and...


i dunno why...


i m keeping myself clean again...

hahah...



ya...tats mi....


back......



i guess wif her...


i m nt myself.....

i living her life...




but....i did ask myself wat if she comes back....



well....



depends on wat i haf to accept her...


u noe...

dun wan her to suffer wif mi again....

it feel sux....


backfire....in return....gets pissed off so easily...

cos i m useless....


haha...


if she is happy nw....
then let her be
...

all abt you?

Reading your blog....

Seeing ur nick....


jus make i feel so sad....

a part of mi is sad...
cos...
it isnt mi.....


a part of mi is sad...
cos...
u are sad.....

but i cant do anythign to make u feel better...

or rather...nth i do will cheer u up....


ya...
when i m so confident tat i manage to be Real...

i fall back....

thinking about u again...

thinking about why th guys u really love most...

the relationship u ever wanted most....

isnt always goin smooth.....


haf been torturin myself again...

eating?

the most hurtful ones are the mental ones...

putting facts right in front of my face...

sometime....

i jus broke down....

someitmes...

i jus feel sad...tats all...










i cried most cos i feel the pain....
sadness from the blog....
each and every posts......

really hope tat u could find someone tat can love you better...

Freak You!...

if u love him so much....
u will keep waiting for him...

and not keep thinking to giv up or not...

gif urself option....and u will forever hanging.....

if u really love him.....gif everything you haf....

trust him tat he will love u too....


i noe it easier to say then done....

but love is like tat......

wanna love.....love him wif all ur heart...

dun wanna love him...let him go...

chiong half way.....nth is gonna work...

u are jus wasting ur time...ur effort...wher u could do sumthing else to improve ur self....

Love Blinds PPle?

hmm...


i have been thinking....

why do they say love blinds pple up?


cause...u freaking hell don't feel or care about wat ur family is goin thru....

cause...u freaking hell don't feel or care about wat ur friends are goin thru....

cause...u freaking hell don't feel or care about wat ur lover is goin thru....

cause...u freaking hell don't feel or care about urself!!


yeah...selfish...


this is how i and when i m in a relationship.....


now......looking back...

ther so much freaking hell things tat i haf done......

tats so....horrible?

feelingless?...


wat is this??....


i noe myself that i m not like that...

not tat i don't wanna admit....

I...M......REALLY......NOT LIKE THAT!!....



i really love her....

but....i dun no hw to love her any more...

i have so much things in mind...

things tat i wanna do....


things tat i wanna achieve....

the goals...


without her its like someone who has lost one of their senses....


but other sense will get stronger and shaper.....


i guess...
this is wat i need to do.....


well...

i dunno....


thoughts is coming back...


she falls.....

do i need to cushion her?

a part of mi really don;t wan any one to hurt her..


another part of mi....

jus wann alet her learn sumthing by falling...

and also...

i m in pain....too painful...




finally...i asked ann to let mi dance in a girls cheoro...

and even request to let mi sing...

=)...

she say she no prob....



i need to push myself....

if not...

nth is goin to work...

arghhhh...


jus get out of my way.....



i give up already.....


pls....let mi go!...



i jus wanna dance.....

i jus wanna work....

and help steff to make her company a successful one....




arghhhh.....................


thinking of doin army....


its a big leap of guys........a bigger leap for mi...hahaha



welllll...

jsu see abt it.....


right now.....


think of wat i really wan in life....

think of my parents...


she....is nth....in the long run......



i cant accpet her...


i love her.....

i really love her...

but...

i really cant accept her anymore....

well...say i m selfish....

but if cant commit...

then i m nt ready to put in everything....

even the trust...


i will always be there......to protect her liek i use tooo.....


so many wrongs i have done in this relationship.....


well...
its the past...
rite....

u noe...the relationship...wouldnt last...

nv will it.,....

JJ BD

i don't dare to look at you..

acted there u aint ther....



i guess....looking at you...brings i back to the starting point..

being greatly in love with you again



i don't wanna let you know i still loving you...

when u left the BBQ....my heart sank...

i couldn't turn back....and wave as you are leaving..

i could only sms you

i don't know....


i have nothing to talk to you anymore....

really..


nth...




maybe...now..

you are out ther....


finding your right guy....



datin them...


seeing u wif other guys...

make mi hate them even more...

make mi heart hurt even more...



back to usual self....

addicted to sad songs....

songs tat says....

all the broken relationships.....

well...


aiiii.....

carry on....

she isnt coming back le....

u haf to be improving.....

i noe...nth could make u come back

i hate myself...

for i nv cherish the pple around mi..


esp u..

cant u see...
i really love u...


why do all this happen so suddenly...


one moment....we will hugging on the bed..luffing


the next moment...after a call from ur Gan Mei..

u telling mi tat u are goin back to church..




and now..

i jus noe....

that....

u went clubbing for so mani nites...



well...

i m nt suppose to care much le...


no more instinct...

i cant feel it...

either it isnt working...

or....


really...u aint coming back for good...



no matter wat..i m sure.....

God will be looking after you...

making sure you are safe....



i m still....so silly..

standing at the spot....waiting for ur returns....



why...



i always wish u could come back again to mi....


but...

liek i say...

after each break up...

i leaarn alot...

from you...




everytime..

you come back...things will be better...

i can promise u these...


i m still crazily in love wif u..


im still caring for u.....


i m still there if u need mi....


thanks for the changes u made for mi...

i really do appreciate it...


really...i do.....

gone~, gone~, gone~

hmmm......

aiii...

so awkward..

hw i wish i could ask her to come along to town wif us....


but....

in this situation...

i cant...




hw i wish we could share JJ's present...

but...


i cant find a reason to ask shi min...


last time i could....cos we are closely connected..


nw...

haha...


i really dunnno hw to tell shi min...



sorry for all tat...


well..at least...think on the bright side...

goin back to hu i m....

goin back to dance...

no more blinded by love...


love sux.....
hw they can turn someone into someone they dunno themself...sux..


well...

gonna make sure my next relationship gonna be better...at least...i noe hw to handle it...

no more force...


no more sulky face....


no more insecurity...
i wanna give her or him all my trust...
telling them that i do trust them sinc ei love them...

last good bye?....hw i wish....and hw i don't wish to.....


heart fighting my brain...


the onli way to move on....
will be finding ans to satisfied my heart.

i m not toking

i don't wanna tok...

jus...
so messy now....

Depression

No Point...


sometime i feel so tire that i wanna give up,
but i couldn't because i still love you.

sometime i just wanna end my life so that i couldn't feel a thing,
but i couldn't because i still wanna take care of you.

sometime i just wanna walk away from you so that i wouldn't be so sad,
but without you i will be even worse.

sometime i just want to spend all my time with you,
but i realise our relationship will get worse if we spend so much time together.

sometime i wonder why people's girlfriends are much better,
because i didn't realise the things that you have done for me until you pointed them out.
I am sorry for forcing you to be someone u ain't.

sometime i just wish that you could just make a small steps so that i could be happy,
but i realise it's a small steps for me to think and a huge leap for you to do it.

sometime i just wish that you could listen to me,
but i think its my way of approaching you that isn't right.

sometime i just wish that we could communicate without us having to threaten one another
but it's just me. I don't know how i could communicate with you.

I Love It

i like imagining myself.

devouring on something...

enjoying every moment of biting and chewing

on a...













*Evil Grin*

Opps!

you saw that last drip of blood at the corner of my mouth




i just wanna say

i love the taste of blood..