EGOOOOO~~~~

Maybe i think too much...

sumthing wronge with mi?

why do i keep imagining myself as a guy taking care of a family...

while i shld be imagining myself as a lady finding the perfect guy and get married?



crazy girl...


guess i haf even greater egos than her....

i really dun like the idea of a guy taking care of mi...

i feel uncomfortable...really



21 le...

i haf no time to wait....

i haf a lot of things to do...

no timeee......


but ya...no relationship liao....


no moreeee.....i wanna dance....


i wanna work....


i wanna be more involve in my religious....







no more emtpy promises...


another questions...


if she comes back.....
will i be able to accept her as friend again?
will i wanna help her if she is in difficulties?
will i wan to tok to her if she has probs?


the ans is.....




yes...i will...cos i still hope to care for her..


dun ask mi why...

everytime i do sumthing tat involve her...

dun ask mi y...

ther isnt a reason i can state...

jus.....

don't ask mi k?

thoughts

being in a crew.


you just know freaking lots of things.

really lots of things.

hahahah!!!



but...ya...gonna start a book on...


"my thoughts"...



or rather i shld name it...


"All about Me"


so much things to realise in life...

So if dunno the road....confirm will die..


cos ur life....no ne can guide u....

maybe by reading books?


let's say....philosophy of life...

chim...


but....will make u think..



differnet pple jus haf diff ways to fins out wat they wan.


rite nw...

i jus wanna fulfill some of the small goals i haf made...


and time to think again....














Don't compare myself to others.

i will feel stresss.....

if u are the cannot lose type..
also die..
cos...u will wanna get straight to the point,
where you don;t even noe the basic,
you dont even noe wat u are dealing wif.
most are just rushy?....


if u are those simply cannot take bad comments...
i guess u will just run away..
and always telling urself....you cant do it.
will get more and more nt confident.


Compare you to the past you...

you will feel encourage and motivated tat u haf grown so much and learn so much.

loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

i feel happy...


i dunno why....


cause maybe i pray for half an hour?

say that i m so religious..


but...really makes mi feel secure



makes mi feel enlighten?


makes mi feel light....



jus....make mi feel so happy....





i jus love today.......

Simplest Post to express myself

i miss you...cos i still have feelings for you


i m happy...cos you are happy

Well

seldom tok now...

i really miss her....

as a friend...or a lover?
i dunno...

i just miss toking to her now...

no matter hw much i i dislike her attitude

i m still much in love wif her...dun ask mi why...i really dunno....

i guess i fall....i fall for the poetic part of her
she is good...

i guess she will be somebody one day....


well...she say i m nobody to her...

i guess....

ya..




who m i to her?.....jus a normal friend tat she will forget easily....


sad to hear it though....

but...
think back....
even a lover....
i treat her freaking bad....


she really need someone tat she can commit....really totally commit to him...


she will be happy.....she will be a best gf...best wife in the world..


seriously....

she is....


when we 1st started out...

i feel the love...the care....the xin fu feeling...

like i haf someone hu really care for mi...

like i haf a wife...


haha.....well..pple...... luff at mi..but...it the truth...



thigns gone wrong...when she suddenly dun wan this and tat...


and u noe u will lose her soon...temper gets freaking bad....pissed off easily...

trying to get back wat i wan...i shldnt do tat...


i shld haf plan thing...to surprise her...


argh...well..u will think better when u are out of the box...out of tat situation...


i shld haf cont dancing....she will be proud...



instinct again i guess...



well..ya....lost...

haha



nth cant describe or measure the love i haf for her...
nt ttat i m boasting...


this is hw much i love her.....



be it after a few years...

i will still be ther for her....
i dunno why...dun ask mi why...

its my heart...

i cant stop it.....

it get really tire if my brain keeps fighting....



maybe...this is mi....

i m really leaving this stuff aside...



u noe....i need to improve myself....

destination are planned...


nw....i m on my way ther....








aii....


i m not ready to face her yet...

i m still in love wif her?

yes my dear....

i still in love with you...

all i hope was....









u to come back to dance again...

rmb....


as long as i m still alive....i wun forget you...

i will still be loving u so much...

fat...old...thin....slim...pretty..ugly...

i will still be here



i guess..i surender to my heart...cos...



i miss you......





may u protect her from everything....

anything thing tat gonna harm her.....

she is a good lady....

its jus tat her lover isnt good enuff for her.....

her lover is the bad ones....






*looking the my scar*

i miss u....dear?

its really affecting mi....freaking misunderstanding.

all i could say was..


i really didnt stalk you....

i really didnt go around telling pple about us...



tat time....i was recuperating...
i nv stalk..

being a friend...
i jus ask the pple tat is near u to take care of you...but of cos...i dun go around doin tat too..jus happen when i tok to them....they tell mi "oh jess will be ther" kind of thing....then i jus say..ok...help mi take care of her....Anything happen to her..jus call mi ba"

i nv ask them to report to mi wher you are....



and...i really haf no idea wher you are....unless its a wed or a fri nite...


u were clubbing?


all jus rough guesses...




pple tat noes....some jus ask mi hw is mi and u...


cos recently we did qurrell...and u cried in Studio...

wasnt in a good shape too....

and...

i came back to dance...


they were shock...

and they ask if mi and u are ok...

i jsu say broke up....

some of them onli noe tat u wanna go back to church..

no more le....


the onli pple i tok to was yen min orange....

they are the ones tat noe wats going on clearly....




the rest..jus noe...we broke up...



and..really...broke up broke up...nth to shame abt....


no one will think bad abt you de....

ur friends will still be ther for you...


we broke up so wat....i have no reason to do tat....

so i can get back at you?....so everyone will hate you?...

think of it.....if i do tat....everyone hates you....and you cfm hates mi...why shdl i do tat?

but i guess....well u assuem i did all this....and....ya...nw...you hate mi nw..





all i jus wanna say......


i really really didnt stalk you.....and nv ask pple to stalk you.....and nv go around telling pple tat mi and u broke up..and for watever reason.....



i stand on my own feet......

i nv go around staggering liek a injure dog...and beg pple for foood.....or beg pple to show care and concern.....or wan pple tp show sympathy....


i guess....u really misunderstand mi this time..



most of the time...i chance upon you nick...

being so upset...emo...

i noe u are way better now then you are wif mi....
jus tat....i jus wanna care for you as a friend...

wanna be ther jus in case.....


maybe i will jus walk away since u do not need this friend le...
...


as much as i wanna stay ther....and care for you....keep a distance but still look out for you

as much as i really wanna be ther....jus for anything....


but i guess... if i do tat.....you would get more irritated ?.
....you would hate mi more..
adn you will assuem i stalk you again...
rite?



well....your words hurt mi.......

everyday....

i jus haf to put on a mask....to face my friends....

to act as happy as i m.....show tat i aint feelign anything no more...

to show tat i m moving on

i nv tok to them about you....

cos i noe.....if i m them...i will get irritated le...


in frotn of min min, yen yen, von....my batch pple...

fake mi...i hate myself for this.



i m liek spilted into half...

part of mi wanna stay....but dun wan you to come back....


part of mi jus wanna move on....but we remain friend liek von and yen..

but ya....friendship...cant be force....

i haf the rite to choose my friend...
but you haf the rite to reject..


and....

i nv even dare to think i haf a huge impact on u....

i guess to you...i m nth....well you say it.....

to mi....
ya...i really gt no impact on you...

really....

i didnt think highly of myself..

you noe hw low is my self esteem

you noe hw i see myself as....

i m freaking nt confident and becos of tat i feel freakinf stress when we are tgt...

the amt of stress.....jus build up as days goes by.....no money...no money...no money....

the stress jus bounce back...and every day i jus get frustrated and worse....

i guess tats y...i throw all my freaking tantrum on you...

for this...i m sorry.....did think back....and i feel disgusted on hw i m treating u...

no wonder....you wanna leave mi....

no wonder you dun feel the love anymore...

i guess....i m a bad lover...


m tire.....


i haf hurt you wif my words too...

cos...

at tat time....
it really pissed mi off...


cant you see....


you are liek a flame....

dancing in a cold winter nite....

pple tat are near you.....
they get the warmth....
they are happy...and they appreciate it...

some do show a smile on their face....some jus haf no expression....but inside them...they feel the warmth...they thank you......


but once they get freakign close to u...
they get hurt burnt.


they hate you....

they ran away....before their clothes catches fire and they get scalded more...


well....maybe this is hw i think of you?...



you are great....really....you haf a good heaart....

since the 1st day i noe u....

i always tot omg..u are really a frog from a well...
dont even go for brand...
btu i m happy u see....cos i noe...you are easily satisfied....

but i guess i spoilt u...i guess marcus did spoilt you too...

yup....pple will change...i noe you will change...

but sorry to say...

pple always change to become someone better..


haiz...i hate myself...i hate nite....

i jus hate being alone in a quiet nite....

cos....

i m still thinking abt you...



was looking forward for the rite chance to tok to you....
rite nw....no matter hw much i explain...

you still picture mi as JOyve tat purposely do a lot of to you jus becos to get back at you or wat ba..


i nv been so close to someone....really...thanx for the time...

you make mi realise...the happiness of being in love...and giving love....having someone tat care for ......and being cared by someone......

i m not smeone hu show hw i feels....but i really grateful.....thanx for everything.....










Have i really lost you as a friend?

jus becos of this misunderstanding?

i dunno....

all i know...i treasure you a lot...

CBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCB!!

i don't know why i feel so pissed....


seriously...

if you dun trust mi....

really....friendship really no use...


how could i stalk her if i block her on msn.....

i shld say...

i block her on msn....what make her think tat i even stalk her...



argh!!!....

wat the fuck!....




its before tat i already plan my life....

each and everysteps...

i freakinf dun haf the time to stalk her..



i did tok to xiang tian....

ask him to take care of her nia....


arghhhh...


even if pple noe...

i doubt they know everything...

they onli know tat we broke off...

its so obvious...
we are nt seen tgt....
even if we are tgt.....we dun tok.....
and the most obvious reason of all...

i came back to dance...


pple confirm say i say...cos really i say...

but do you realise...if they ask mi or i tell them 1st?


NO!....


they ask mi.....wat happen....all i told them tat u wanna go back to church...

tats all...


wat the hell is all this?




and i did state it fair...by saying i nt good enuff...

saying tat cos we always fight..becos i always pissed off.....

cos i always feel insecure....



i didnt even say anything bad...



arghh....


why mus this friendship end this way?...

not like i did it...

its all freakinf misunderstanding...



and you didnt allow mi to explain....

wat is all this fuck shits thing




i jus hope we are still friends....but i guess...all this freakign misunderstanding..
really destroy it all....


i cant change ur tots......

all i cant do was to change myself and show tat i m really nt liek tat...

i dun freaking harm someone tat i love lahh...

its really a stupid foolish to do that...


why cant she understanddddd!!!!!

Fallin Out

Been sittin' thinkin' bout you and I
And wonderin why we're not getting along
So frustrated cause, what we had was a happy home.
I don't know what the situation is
But I can tell in the way we kiss
We don't talk no more it feels better when I'm alone


Sometimes I feel like there's no getting through to you
Like you don't appreciate all that I do.
You gotta show me that you want me to stay don't turn & walk away


Baby I'm slowly fallin' out... of love with you
I don't know what to do, how did we end up here this way what are we gonna do? I'm slowly
Fallin' out... baby we're trippin' on silly things
Boy I need you to meet me halfway, if you want me to be with you...


I remember when, I'd be with my friends
You checked on me and made time to call
But how things have changed, now I don't hear from you at all.
Yeahh yeah yeah


Sometimes I feel like there's no getting through to you
Like you don't appreciate all that I do.
You gotta show me that you want me to stay don't turn & walk away

Baby I'm slowly fallin' out... of love with you
I don't know what to do, how did we end up here this way what are we gonna do? I'm slowly
Fallin' out... baby we're trippin' on silly things
Boy I need you to meet me halfway, if you want me to be with you...


Don't let your pride get in
The way, for something we worked so
Hard just don't throw it away
I been tryin make you see that everything
You need is right here with me


Sometimes I feel like there's no getting through to you
Like you don't appreciate all that I do.
You gotta show me that you want me to stay don't turn & walk away don't turn and walk away...

Baby I'm slowly fallin' out... of love with you
I don't know what to do, how did we end up here this way what are we gonna do? I'm slowly
Fallin' out... baby we're trippin' on silly things
Boy I need you to meet me halfway, if you want me to be with you...

Slowly fallin'
Slowly fallin'

How did we end up here this way?
Ooooo

Slowly fallin'
Slowly fallin'

How did we end up here this way?
Oooooo

i prayyyyy....

i m tire....

but why do i still stay up all nite?......

beats mi....


i jus noe...

i wanna be somebody in life...


i rmb my goals....


and u...my dear....



take care.....


i dunno wat u are doin....

tats y...every nite...

i pray for u....
hopping you are safe...





HK is having flood...

i gt worried...

but dun worry...

you will be fine....

cos i m here.....

praying for you.......



take care...

I don't haf the right to say..

I love you.....

real mi

hmm...yeah...


real mi....


how i know?....


well..


cos...

i wanna danceee.....

i wanna go into main crew......

i wanna cheorograph an item in Danzation......

i wanna try girl style in Danzation....


i wanna sing.........



i wanna bring v1da into next level...




i wanna be active in my religion....

to learn about my life....


and...


i dunno why...


i m keeping myself clean again...

hahah...



ya...tats mi....


back......



i guess wif her...


i m nt myself.....

i living her life...




but....i did ask myself wat if she comes back....



well....



depends on wat i haf to accept her...


u noe...

dun wan her to suffer wif mi again....

it feel sux....


backfire....in return....gets pissed off so easily...

cos i m useless....


haha...


if she is happy nw....
then let her be
...

all abt you?

Reading your blog....

Seeing ur nick....


jus make i feel so sad....

a part of mi is sad...
cos...
it isnt mi.....


a part of mi is sad...
cos...
u are sad.....

but i cant do anythign to make u feel better...

or rather...nth i do will cheer u up....


ya...
when i m so confident tat i manage to be Real...

i fall back....

thinking about u again...

thinking about why th guys u really love most...

the relationship u ever wanted most....

isnt always goin smooth.....


haf been torturin myself again...

eating?

the most hurtful ones are the mental ones...

putting facts right in front of my face...

sometime....

i jus broke down....

someitmes...

i jus feel sad...tats all...










i cried most cos i feel the pain....
sadness from the blog....
each and every posts......

really hope tat u could find someone tat can love you better...

Freak You!...

if u love him so much....
u will keep waiting for him...

and not keep thinking to giv up or not...

gif urself option....and u will forever hanging.....

if u really love him.....gif everything you haf....

trust him tat he will love u too....


i noe it easier to say then done....

but love is like tat......

wanna love.....love him wif all ur heart...

dun wanna love him...let him go...

chiong half way.....nth is gonna work...

u are jus wasting ur time...ur effort...wher u could do sumthing else to improve ur self....