Why.....

everytime.....



i jus.....


wanna care (NO ONE NEEDS UR CARE AND CONCERN)...

but yet....

being too straight fwd...


Saying hwat i need to say...


it's nt always the right way to go about it. (YOU FUCKING DESERVE IT).



When i am so far, you lure me nearer. (TOO BAD. I TOLD YOU TO FORGET ABOUT ME RITE . Move on)



When I am near, all i get was a cold shoulder. (Yeah. Like i say, we are friends ONLY.)



It's fucking painful!!!!! FUCKING PAINFULLL!! FUCK FUCK FUCK!! CAN YOU HEAR MY HEART SCREAMING!!!!!


WHY CANT YOU FUCKING FIND A GOOD BF AND SETTLE DOWN. WHY?!!! FUCKING FIND A BF AND .....i can.......dance and work happily...


FANG BU XIANG XIN. why mus i be connected to you in anyway. I WISH WE ARE JUST FRIENDS.

BUT I FUCKING DUNNO WHY....i always feel that i am not suppose to let go.

TOXIC......Whatever.

warmth. =)

Don't ask me why.

The person that i wanna hug most now is you. Yet I am not allow to have it.

i read it.

a tribute from a girl to a girl.

i didnt know it at 1st its a girl girl relationship..

so after i read it, i was trying to tell SU that all this will not happen in my world..


world of anti-traditional..

but before i could asked...she told mi it from a GIRL to a GIRL...

all I can say is.....

nothing...



i love the last part...

she just want a hug....

i jus wan a hug too....

I am sorry if one day, i hugged you without saying anything. keep holding on...jus for 1 min. no one speaks.

let mi be stubborn, just for once.

and i will remember hw the hugs felt again.

this is where i only get in touch with myself i guess...


love.....

it's gay to talk about love...

it's weak to fall in love......

cos...





maybe i just can't face the fact that...

i cant end and start a new beginning, without you.

i hate every moment.....

moment that i wakes up, and... i was alone...

the sudden helpless urge of hugging you, the warmth tat filled up the gap in between us and the surrounding of us.....

times where you luff at my silliness, craziness and all....

times where i luff at your naive believes...

i hate to love it all.....




as long as i try to be a good guy here.....

i will use my mind to lead my life.....

"heartless" in that sense?...

Lesbigay

in this era...

a child born out to be gay, les, bi or normal.

Are there still females and males?

nothing gotta do with being a girl or lady.

i like LADIES....

in shorts and shirt


i hate them....

in dresses and heels with make up on.


argh!

ENOUGH!

i am fucking aching, but i know that i am not suppose to fall back to the past...

i wanna sleep, yet thsi 2 nites, i witness someone's and people's death.

whta is bothering me,

whenever i am in my subconcious state, my head automatcally think of things that doesn't link!!!

Seriously..

don't push me to the limit.

i refering the "he" beside the "Her"




i know i am not suppose to care anymore.

we are friends rite?




everytime i read about her blog,
i jus feel freaking helpless about it..

1st, i am not suppose to care but she is hurt.

2nd, if i care, she will ask mi to fuck off.

3rd, I don't wanna be pulled back to the past.


i dunno if i am still in love with you or i jus feel for you.

if only i could be there as long as you want me to. but.........

I am really...

panicky..


if you would really msg mi a good luck msg.

i make sure i will win this dance comp for you.



rite.....



she wun read it.

thats the point.

its jus for writing sake.

i feel like back then again.

I wanna dance.

i wanna earn money with Steff,

and i wanna be with you again.



i acted like i was normal...

i neglected my heart..

i never ever wanted to take it back.

but.

things came back,

It says

"i wanna keep her safe"

"I wan her to be happy"




she's is aching , i am aching inside too.

Maybe becos of the menses, i was particularly emo during the nite.

or maybe becos i am feeeling you.


i dreamt of you. We were happy and i wished i never wake up cause i know i can't have you in real life.

I wanted to be beside you, ur shadow, any where that i could see and feel you. i am happy.

i blog this, cause, i really felt it coming back.

Useless me

FUCK YOU!!!

i can't stand it!!


I am sucks at dance...

I can't forget you...

I can't handle work well..

I can't manage my time well...

I get from bad to worse...





ARGh!!...

I just fukcing hate myself....damn it!!



CB


KNN!!!

on purpose?

guess i jus purposely suicide myself again.



doin things on purpose to make her hate me more...

doing things on purpose to make her bf want her more....by revealing that there is someone out there still loving her. so he will cherish?



Well.

mix feeling

2 words







happily scarred.